Visiting Mexico, or was it Texas del Sur?

I spent the New Year with one of my best friends at an exclusive Nas concert, watching fireworks over the Caribbean ocean. One of the best NYE on record! A great travel companion can make anything work, so I was lucky to have her by my side as we navigated lots of unexpected travel surprises in Quintana Roo and the Yucatan Peninsula, Mexico.

The first, Playa del Carmen is Texas del Sur. 

We thought we were going to a less cancun-y destination. And, while it might feel like that to other less traveled folks.... Playa was basically the epitome of everything we were trying to escape. We concluded that next time we decide to travel to a similar destination, we would stay in an all-inclusive hotel. Why? Because hotels/restaurants/excursions were the same price either way, and we might as well not have to hassle with people.

The second, Tulum is gorgeous but requires reservations.

Advice for any travelers looking to explore the beauty of Quintana Roo - skip Playa all together and head to Tulum for a most amazing beach, incredible ruins, and an escape from the hustle bustle. While Tulum still had some of the modern comforts of Playa (and regrettably the prices), it was the low-key vibe we were looking for. The town is very small, and it is difficult to find a place to stay during the high season, so book early. Also, the ruin complex is gigantic. Do not underestimate the time it takes to get in. Also, make sure you to look at the hours so that you don't get locked out like we almost did. 

The third, after you scuba dive in Honduras, snorkeling in Cozumel pretty much blows.

We enjoyed a day getting exercise and snorkeling. We also enjoyed a nice fish lunch. The snorkeling, however was underwhelming. We were lucky to see a few cool sea creatures (seahorse, sea snake, barracuda, and a manta ray) but overall, we were underwhelmed by the reef and the tour experience. We also thought the town of Cozumel was terrible, we couldn't figure out what the hype was all about. The jury is still out on that one. Unfortunately, our tour ended abruptly when we swam into a school of jellyfish, but we got out with only a few little stings. 

The fourth, even we weren't immune to getting screwed over.

After our tour to Chichen-Itza left us high and dry, and we haggled in Spanish to get our money back, we hopped our own bus to Valladolid. Our Air BnB cancelled on us, and we got the last hotel room in town. Our Spanish skills and flexible attitude helped us navigate this situation, but it put a damper on the day. Our reward was exploring a real pueblo, hearing some live spanish guitar music, and eating paletas in Valladolid. Luckily, this also meant that we got to be some of the first to Chichen-Itza the next day which was definitely a plus.

The fifth, Chichen-Itza is everything everyone says it is, and more. So are the cenotes. But you need time to do all of it.

We had all day to explore Chichen-Itza and three cenotes. It was truly breathtaking, and we were glad to have had a jump on the tourists. Valladolid is only 40 minutes from the ruins, which gave us 2 hour jump on the tour buses coming from Cancun, Merida, and Playa del Carmen. There are lots of great well-placed artisan stands at Chichen, so plan on taking money to buy some trinkets. Also, take snacks and water, it is a long, hot day.

The sixth, everyone recommends the worst places, ever.

Our general rule of thumb when traveling is, ask the locals. And, unfortunately, all of the recommendations we received were the absolute worst. We concluded that either the Mexicans like all of our commercial american-ized crap, or they were convinced that WE wanted that stuff. Getting an authentic experience was pretty out of reach. One of our best mornings was, unfortunately rushing, through the local street food market to get breakfast. It turned out to be the best and most economical meal we had the whole trip. Similarly, we had a great experience at the taco truck in Cancun. Easily the best salsa selection we had the whole trip. Also, I finally had the mezcal that kicked my ass. 

The seventh, al Pastor with Pineapple is elusive.

Mariel was looking for al Pastor with pineapple every day, and we could not find it. Anywhere. 

[the picture of al pastor with pineapple would have gone here]

The eighth, Isla Mujeres is the paradise we had waited for.

A short 40-minute ferry from Cancun, Isla is the perfect balance between modern comfort, beautiful beach, and authenticity we had looked for. Mariel had left at this point, and I was left to explore the island on my own. I found it to be pretty american-ized, however, it didn't feel as abrasive and commercial. Isla had a laid-back island vibe and lots of small restaurants and bars. Many of the expats I ran into were regulars on the island, and had a ton of respect for its locals and its ecosystem. There was even a beautiful turtle sanctuary!

In the end...

While I can't say that I whole-heartedly recommend traveling to this part of Mexico, we met some very nice people along the way, got our fill of tacos, and definitely experienced some beautiful breathtaking sights. After voicing our frustrations to some locals, they pointed us to Oaxaca. We are excited to explore Oaxaca in a future adventure!

Que Viva Mexico!

...keep spreading the love around...

A love letter for Mi Pulgarcito - El Salvador

For my Salvadoran family and friends, my coworkers, and those RPCVs that came before and after. 

A love letter for Mi Pulgarcito - El Salvador

you broke me
you stained me
you brought me to my knees

you fixed me
you cleaned me
you made me stand and praise

it was not in that order
there was no order
it was messy
and heartbreakingly honest

you enraged me
you were darkness
you robbed me of my innocence

you gave me the deepest joy
you showered me in your light
you grew me up

it was not in that order
there was no order
it was messy
and heartbreakingly honest

I was raw and you refined me
with your kindness
though your resilience
by your survival

You are the very best part of me,
and I carry you with me every moment of every day.


All Peace Corps volunteers will be leaving El Salvador on the 6th anniversary of my original departure, and the sadness that this brings me is truly beyond comprehension. I pray fervently for peace in El Salvador, and I stand waiting to receive and advocate for those refugees that are seeking protection on this side of the border.

caught between two war zones

what is it like to live between two war zones

in one, your family is being tormented
you can't return to what once was
you can't comfort or be comforted
you must sit and wait and pray for peace in a land far away and in your heart

in the other, your friends and your neighbors are under attack
the very communities that you are trying to build up are being undermined
the bodies of the children that you fight for are being tossed aside

your news feed bleeds uncontrollably
and it is only Tuesday
and tomorrow there will be more, that is certain

and you are supposed to compartmentalize your anger and your sadness
and focus on the menial tasks of your day
and no one knows that this violence affects you too

It might not take my body, but it certainly is trying to break my spirit
because if I disengage, and if I don't speak up, the Enemy has won

#prayforElSalvador
#blacklivesmatter

Live from a spiritual warzone

There is something inspiring about a blank page. Something is waiting to be created, to be unleashed. The cursor blinking on a bright white page might be all that has saved me from myself over the years.

It has been just over a year since I finished grad school, and the last year of my life has been the most challenging so far.

I have never felt so defeated in all of my life than I have over the last 12 months. I lost a dear family member. I had my heart broken. I lived in 4 different homes. When my Masters degree came in the mail, I was living in my friend’s dining room cubby, underemployed, and struggling to stay afloat financially. I was led on by potential employers and then told that I “wasn’t a good fit” more times than I can count. I was told “no” over and over again. I spent weeks trying to come to peace with this uncomfortable feeling. It took all of the energy that I had to quiet the demons inside of me that reinforced my insecurities saying “you aren’t valuable, you aren’t capable, you aren’t worthy.”

One day, in that darkness, I got a response to my prayers. In no uncertain terms, God told me to stop whining, stop crying, stop worrying. He had everything under control. He was battling for my future. He had to clear some evil out of my way, and he didn’t have time to comfort me. He needed to focus on the battle.

Then, after six months of fighting, someone finally said “yes”. I rejoiced! I was worthy! Someone believed in me! I thought maybe this was my break, maybe it was all worth it. The sun came out. And for a moment, I was dancing again. I was smiling. The enemy retreated, and I recognized my eyes in the mirror again.

Little did I know, the battle was far from over. In the dark of the night, the enemy came back for vengeance. He was really f*ckin pissed. He redoubled his efforts and threw my new sunny life back into chaos. I never saw it coming.

I fell to my knees. I laid awake restless unable to sleep, drowning in my own self doubt. I doubted my self doubt and was insecure about my insecurities. I could barely pull myself out of bed most days, and nothing anyone said or did could break through my darkness.

I never knew what loneliness was. I never knew the depths of my darkness. What I did know was that a serious battle was being fought, and my soul was the prize. I am writing you live from this war zone.

What have I learned so far?

1. The enemy does not rest. He is always plotting, waiting, watching. He strikes when you least expect it.
2. The closer you get to God’s purpose for your life, the more the enemy rages. You have to decide whether you are all in.
3. Only God can protect you, but you have to let Him. You have to stand behind his shield. No other defense is strong enough. Not your ego, not your pride, not your best friend or confidant.

I haven’t spoken openly about this battle to very many people, because my ego told me that talking about it made me weak. But, I think maybe some of you are in the middle of your own wars. Maybe you need some spiritual reinforcements. Maybe you need to be reminded who is on your side.

The battle rages on, but maybe you feel better knowing that you are not alone and that there is a mighty force protecting you.

...keep spreading the love around...

loving and leaving

there is no stay

there is only go

there is no reason, other than

I must

my heart being pulled by the stars again

and questions

that can not be answered

only pursued 

to fan the fire

to feed the flames

to be complete

to be alive

there is no reason

there are no words

there is only

loving a place

but knowing that it is time to go

i cant explain

so that you understand

what my soul desires

if you could hold my soul in your arms you would know

that there are no words

other than

I must go

Con Casa, Pero Sin Hogar

Homeless
Less Home

What is More Home?

Home is More What?

Daily adventure, and daily comfort
Sun warming my skin
Constantly challenging my world view
Belonging
Buenos dias in the morning
A full expression of self

Home is everywhere when you have more of the things that make home.
When you have less of the things that make home, You have Less Home

Homeless
not
Houseless

Una vida con casa pero sin hogar buscando donde acostarme el alma no solo la cabeza.

Make No Small Plans

"Make no small plans for they have no power to stir the soul." -Machiavelli.

My blog dashboard has many unfinished and unpublished posts. Some of these bits are ramblings that never became cohesive. Some are thoughts that never began to ramble. Some are snippets of inspiration. I revisit these drafts occasionally for insight into the type of woman I was when I wrote them. 

The quote above is the entirety of one of these drafts. To my surprise, when I opened it, a singular quote from Machiavelli was staring at me. And remarkable it put into words everything that I have been unable to articulate over the last few months.

I have been itching for a change, but exercising my patience and prayer for months.

I want to knock down doors, bust through ceilings, and grow in fertile soil. I want to be the full expression of myself. I want to go somewhere that I can stay for awhile. 

I have been throwing darts at a map, sitting on my hands, and biting my tongue. 

The winds are favorable, and it will soon be time to draw up the anchor again and set sail. This time, for warmer waters...a place that stirs the soul with possibility and grandeur. 

I shall make no small plans.